I had to have a medical test yesterday. I was not looking forward to this particular test because it can be painful, awkward, and unpleasant in general. I went in to the hospital for my briefing, and they ran some necessary blood tests, etc. I was eventually wheeled in to the “operating” room and the doctor explained the risks of the procedure to me, visa vi worst case scenarios. Now, I must say that I was tentative before he did this. After he did so, I was positively shaken. Seems that there was a very remote chance that I could be paralyzed as a result of this procedure. I was VERY close to just saying I didn’t want to do it. After careful consideration, I said “Go ahead” and signed the consent form.
So: I am laying there with a two (???) inch needle in my spine, with a collection tube in that, and seriously praying. At the same time I am trying my best to do what the doctor directs me to do, and trying NOT to move. Now they say that Faith is “believing without seeing” and Believing is “trusting without knowing.” In AA we have a saying: “Let go, let G-D” (G-D being whatever YOUR higher power is). It was h-a-r-d to let go of my fear, but what choice did I have? So, I made the leap. I trusted it to a power higher than myself. I gave up control (which, I really didn’t have anyway).
Well, so far, all is well. I am still walking, and once again I received a lesson in humility, faith, and gratitude. I am not an overtly religious person; my beliefs are my own. I don’t push them on others and I don’t wear them on my sleeve. But I am grateful; I feel cleansed and renewed. So, overall, the experience was worth it and I learned a lot from it. I just had to be receptive and use the tools that were given to me. Funny how that works when we let it.